Monday, December 25, 2006

Godfather of Soul James Brown Dies

This Christmas the entire world will mourn the passing of a music/cultural icon, the Godfather of Soul James Brown. He was the hardest working man in showbiz and the ultimate hard-partying performer.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Average Homeboy is Average

There are several of these monstrosities, however, this particular video is noted as the first. This accreditation is certainly correlative to the 'viral' video metaphor. Sickness.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Pauly Shore: That's Your Face

So Pauly Shore, apparently, possesses such an incredible degree of unpopularity, he must follow an intense, rigorous process to achieve the headlines associated with a temporary fame he once enjoyed (Thank you BIODOME). This process is divergent from paths chosen by other comedians as neither humor or racism are involved. Pauly Shore's method involves the act of paying someone to punch you in the face on stage, while the audience revels in your misrepresented misfortune. Pauly, baby, I would have done it for free.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Soy: One Healthy Devil

In today's world climate, there is virtually no limit to the torrent of verbal diarrhea espoused by radicals and extremists. There is no apparent saturation point at which the people of the world will finally close their ears and refuse to listen or accept any further nonsense. My position (and desire) is to mock these goons with their own words. Please join me...

Published in the WorldNetDaily, this "article", by James Rutz of MegaShift Ministries, reads:
"There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. ...

"The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore. ...

"Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them."

There you have it... Soy is gay. Thanks for the info.
P.S. image is Jerry Falwell in his new morning TV show debut.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Alien Mutants Invade Planet

Flesh-eating, mutants from outer space have invaded the planet Earth. Drawing from a deep well of sheer auditory assault, GWAR has come to destroy all humans. The group has proclaimed nothing will be left in their wake. Photos are inadequate at best to describe their horror. Your hopes of life and escape lay barron.
--massder from the sidekick3

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Don't Hassle Hasselhoff

David Hasselhoff, undisputed entertainment legend, just refuses to fall short of the mark. Hasselhoff delivers in this, the greatest music video/work ever composed. Robbie Williams your powers are meaningless next to the awesome might Hoff wields with grace and ease. Bonus points for including KITT in this misadventure.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Taco Bell is Illin' has the intense investigative insight to cover a story of shocking and far reaching implications. Taco Bell is making customers ill. Interest and concern peaked, I would like to contribute this additional information: Taco Bell has been making customers sick for about 30 years on a ratio approaching 1:1. This estimate could be considered somewhat generous as certain advertising campaigns have literally made 10s of millions feel like vomiting without ever setting foot in a 'restuarant' location. Remember Little Richard?

I thought that sickness was part of the Taco Bell allure, a side or condiment each dish is slathered in along with chemically generated hot sauce. Ingesting such a dangerous combination of fast food ingredients (cheap beans, greasy questionable meats, etc.) draws certain parallels to a type of gambler's rush.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Legal Mustache

In a lifetime, there are perhaps a limited number of "dare to be great" situations. This individual has taken fate into his own hands and dared to be ridiculous. Whether for reasons of insanity or mockery, the end result is the same pure, undiluted hilarity.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Zach Morris: Phone of Might

martin cooper holds world hostage with giant novelty phoneIf you happen to possess the causal honorific of a "twenty-something", you may remember the sheer magnificence and glory that was Saved by the Bell. A daring prankster, a suave schemer, Zach Morris had his finger not only on the pulse of cool, but on the touch tone pad of one of the world's largest mobile cellular devices. Martin Cooper had nothing on Morris.

Retro is hip and the Zach Morris phone mod is metaphorical rocket fuel liberally applied to an otherwise lackluster hipster blaze. But, the geniuses over at Spark Fun Electronics have decimated any possible construed Zach-Morris-cool-factor with the introduction of their FRANKENMORRIS: Phone of might. A GSM-ready, rotary-operated cellphone? This phone technology is the ultimate ironic accessory. No other device so precisely conveys you
  1. are not balanced and love it
  2. have tons of cash to blow

Sunday, December 03, 2006

K-Rad Rubebox

Robbie Williams describes his exhaustive research into the mysteries of the "Rudebox". There seems to be a scientific correlation between white, British rappers, cheesy glow effects, and Rudebox activity. I await his whitepaper release in the scientific trades / journals early 2007. Truly mind boggling work.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Cannot be Displayed, Because it Contains Errors

Something is wrong here pa!?There is little doubt that Wikipedia is one of the single greatest information resources available on the entire internet. With more information than The Encyclopedia Britannica (and interestingly enough just as accurate), Wikipedia is a community-driven project of the highest caliber. I, sadly, have only made minor contributions to the resource, but others make the project's content growth a personal quest for excellence. Some people just post images of their genitalia in honestly ridiculous quantity (link is just a list of contributions and is sfw). I suppose the pictures for the encyclopedia must come from somewhere, but that is literally the only type of contribution Richiex makes. I find this insanely hilarious. For extra fun times, check out the "Talk" pages associated with some of these topics.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Poodles, Exercise, and Shame

Once again, the Interweb fails to disappoint in the deliverance of pure madness.

No More Answers

My briefcase is brimming with potential solutions.

The Google Answers project has stopped accepting new questions. No longer can individuals pay honest, hard earned cash to answer inane questions that a simple Google search would resolve for free. Understandably, many find research and reading as a basis for the acquisition of knowledge tiring, but to those I would suggest removing themselves from the computer/Internet and otherwise engaging themselves in some sort of crude ditch digging capacity. Google answers did exhibit some penchant for the accurate response to ridiculous questions. From the official Google blog, "Google Answers taught us exactly how many tyrannosaurs are in a gallon of gasoline, why flies survive a good microwaving, and why you really shouldn't drink water emitted by your air conditioner."