Monday, December 25, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
In today's world climate, there is virtually no limit to the torrent of verbal diarrhea espoused by radicals and extremists. There is no apparent saturation point at which the people of the world will finally close their ears and refuse to listen or accept any further nonsense. My position (and desire) is to mock these goons with their own words. Please join me...
Published in the WorldNetDaily, this "article", by James Rutz of MegaShift Ministries, reads:
"There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. ...
"The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore. ...
"Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them."
There you have it... Soy is gay. Thanks for the info.
P.S. image is Jerry Falwell in his new morning TV show debut.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
--massder from the sidekick3
Saturday, December 09, 2006
David Hasselhoff, undisputed entertainment legend, just refuses to fall short of the mark. Hasselhoff delivers in this, the greatest music video/work ever composed. Robbie Williams your powers are meaningless next to the awesome might Hoff wields with grace and ease. Bonus points for including KITT in this misadventure.
Friday, December 08, 2006
I thought that sickness was part of the Taco Bell allure, a side or condiment each dish is slathered in along with chemically generated hot sauce. Ingesting such a dangerous combination of fast food ingredients (cheap beans, greasy questionable meats, etc.) draws certain parallels to a type of gambler's rush.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
In a lifetime, there are perhaps a limited number of "dare to be great" situations. This individual has taken fate into his own hands and dared to be ridiculous. Whether for reasons of insanity or mockery, the end result is the same pure, undiluted hilarity.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Retro is hip and the Zach Morris phone mod is metaphorical rocket fuel liberally applied to an otherwise lackluster hipster blaze. But, the geniuses over at Spark Fun Electronics have decimated any possible construed Zach-Morris-cool-factor with the introduction of their FRANKENMORRIS: Phone of might. A GSM-ready, rotary-operated cellphone? This phone technology is the ultimate ironic accessory. No other device so precisely conveys you
- are not balanced and love it
- have tons of cash to blow
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
My briefcase is brimming with potential solutions.
The Google Answers project has stopped accepting new questions. No longer can individuals pay honest, hard earned cash to answer inane questions that a simple Google search would resolve for free. Understandably, many find research and reading as a basis for the acquisition of knowledge tiring, but to those I would suggest removing themselves from the computer/Internet and otherwise engaging themselves in some sort of crude ditch digging capacity. Google answers did exhibit some penchant for the accurate response to ridiculous questions. From the official Google blog, "Google Answers taught us exactly how many tyrannosaurs are in a gallon of gasoline, why flies survive a good microwaving, and why you really shouldn't drink water emitted by your air conditioner."
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
- Scientists train honeybees to sniff out explosives from dynamite to C4
- Researchers say bees could spot car bombs, IEDs, suicide bombers' belts
- When a bee finds explosives, it sticks out proboscis, the tube it uses to sip nectar
- Similar research done with wasps in past, but scientists say bees do better
There is perhaps an infinitely simpler solution that these creative scientists may have overlooked in their wild (kingdom) mental wanderings. May I once again present ... the beedog. These unscrupulously scientists have not mapped the secret language of the bee and used said knowledge to expertly train bees in legion to carry out secure whim and fancy. These masterminds have dressed bomb-sniffing canine units in bee costumes, thereby securing large allocations of government funds. Dear Government, I am developing cutting-edge beedog technology in a miniature deliver system (pugs and chins mostly, see image). I am patiently awaiting my grant money.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Technology is amazing. Innovations wait around every corner. However, scams lurk in every alley. Sensationalism takes a hold of the masses before any attempt at validation has been made. Many individuals learned their lesson after eagerly and greedily come to the aid of a Nigerian prince in 2003 (and 2004, 2005, etc.). The international news media has yet to be so lucky. Arab News was fortunate enough to become the brunt of this scoop opportunity. After spreading around the Internet, ravaging reputations faster than the flu in a child daycare center, independent news sources, such as blogs, were kind enough to shred this nonsense to ribbons.
Great Quote: Rainbow Card Readers will replace CD drives of mobile phone and computer notebooks and will enable more data in portable forms for mini digital readers.
How can any technology hope to become more portable than a CD-ROM enabled mobile phone? Mind-boggling.
As of this moment, my new strategy for success is as follows:
Step 1. Pretend to be Indian/from the developing world.
Step 2. Create/Publish information regarding fabulous, yet strictly fictitious technological breakthrough.
Step 3. ?????
Step 4. PROFIT!
After obtaining completing my doctoral thesis on theoretical data storage techniques, I have developed a framework methodology for storage of bit information utilizing the rhythmic and behavioral patterns of common grasshoppers and crickets. This project has been codenamed the HOPdrive. Although paradigm implementation involving Euscyrtus concinnus or cricket is a low-cost solution, the Oxya hyla intricata or grasshopper implementation naturally yields larger data storage. For complete investment information and technical white-papers, please contact my associate the Nigerian Prince with your credentials (credit cards, checking account, etc.).
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Seems you were just marked, then as the autumnal foliage, you were transfigured and disappeared. Marked for Deletion strikes again.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sigmund Freud Action Figure w/ Distinctly Phallic Cigar
So hilarious and so available at amazon.com. Maybe Dr. Freud cannot beat the sheer excellence of Dora, but this toy is still a true winner. Here is what one reviewer commented:
"This toy is lots of fun. I like to play with it using my old GIJOE toys. My favorite scenario is to have Sigmund Freud kill off Cobra Commander, and then take his place as leader of Cobra: The Enemy. With his cigar, he works really well as an evil villain. (Plus, he likes to torture the good guys that they capture by tying them up and putting his cigar out on their bare chest.)"
"It is lots of fun to play with. The final battle usually takes place on the rug at the foot of my bed (which substitutes for a jungle), where Snake-Eyes challenges Sigmund Freud to a duel in order to avenge the death of Duke and all the other Joes. (Snake-Eyes is always the only surviving Joe left.) Sigmund Freud then tries some ninja moves to kick Snake-Eyes' rear, but Snake Eyes beats the crap out of him. It finally ends with Snake Eyes using his sword to gut Sigmund Freud, as his sword slowly slides out of his bloody entrails. It really is a lot of fun!"
"Sometimes I do a Transformer Crossover Universe, where Megatron comes in and has Sigmund Freud join him in some plot to obtain energy in order to build the ultimate weapon and take control the universe. The Joes always have to go get help from Optimus Prime, who always puts a stop to this plot just at the last minute, but not before his arm gets chopped off in battle. (I am actually missing Optimus' arm in real life, so that's why this always happens in the story.)"
"Anyways, Sigmund Freud is great fun for the whole family! Especially 10-year-olds (and above). Buy it today!"
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
This fantastic deal, resulting in a 66% price reduction, leaves me asking myself only one question. Would I buy an XBox, even at this dramatic "savings"? The answer is no. I would, given the chance, flip a profit on one, but buying one to actually play is an investment in futility. Just a heads up... wasted youth is on sale and at considerable markdown.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
1.The Emos - short for Emotional - regard themselves as a cool, young sub-set of the Goths. Preposterous. Although both groups are pitiable, lumping them together seems odd.
2.The Instant Emo Kit site gives advice on identity. Wear a child's T-shirt with a slogan such as 'Unhappy Chick' and drive a Vespa. Above all, 'show your inner despair by looking like you are too sad to eat. Obesity and emocity do not mix.' Hahaha. This quote wins so many internets... Impossibly dense. Bonus points for the word 'emocity.'
3.It even nods to a working population, permitting Corporate Goths, who wear black trouser suits. Corporate Goths win every meeting with vampirical persuasion.
The phrase 'Elder Goth' was used repeatedly. This fact made me consider that perhaps the author was also once drenched in black and hating life.
Little girl flashes knife as she tries to steal toys
Largo, Florida - Largo Police are looking for a little girl who pulled a knife on a Wal-Mart clerk as she tried to steal two boxes of Lego toy blocks.
It happened on the Missouri Avenue around 9:00 pm Tuesday night.
Police say the 7 to 8-year-old girl hid the toys under her coat and tried to walk out the door.
A store employee was watching and approached the child, asking her to turn over the Lego blocks.
Police say the little girl then opened her jacket and displayed a combo carving knife with a forked point and a 10" blade, saying she was armed for protection.
The employee talked the girl into putting down the knife and the toys.
The girl then rode away on her bicycle.
The employee was not hurt.
Only in Flordia, the penis of The United States, does this situation have a viable chance of occurance. By the contents of the article, I assume she made a clean getaway. Society is doomed.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Dr Richard Helmer, the creator of WIS: "Our air guitar consists of a wearable sensor interface embedded in a conventional 'shirt' which uses custom software to map gestures with audio samples. [...] It’s an easy-to-use, virtual instrument that allows real-time music making – even by players without significant musical or computing skills. [...] The technology – which is adaptable to almost any kind of apparel – takes clothing beyond its traditional role of protection and fashion into the realms of entertainment."
Your normal t-shirt is made of obsolescence and fail. Mine makes musics and win. I have some dark, foreboding sense that, quite literally at any moment, Apple will "borrow" this technology, "think different", and install iTunes on a more monochrome (perhaps red for AIDS/Bono), sleeker version. Microsoft will consecutively borrow the technology, attempt developing a similar Media Player "enhanced" shirt, and as a result produce a puffy winter jacket with holes in the pockets (not to mention the questionable length of the left sleeve). Creative will also produce a music enabled shirt. The shirt will look like a soiled Hanes mens A-cut "wife-beater" and every recipient child will cry all Christmas morning.
What Air Guitar is all about, is to surrender to the music without having an actual instrument. Anyone can taste rock stardom by playing the Air Guitar. No equipment is needed, and there is no requirement for any specific place or special skills. In Air Guitar playing all people are equal regardless of race, gender, age, social status or sexual orientation.
No requirements??? You/I have the makings of a true air guitar STAR! Bonus points awarded for theoretical "whammy bar" pantomime.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
The world, being a large and diverse place, is capable of presenting strange beauty from unexpected sources. Spam emails are a plague. Each email account becomes sluggishly weighted by the toxic disease of V1@gra prescription offers, "quality" stock tips, and of course the occasional plea from a Nigerian prince. As inundated with spam our accounts are, we simply remove or filter the ceaseless messages and, in doing so, might be missing something oddly fascinating. Some spammers fill their hockery with random bits of news and literature concatenated together in the hope of circumventing filters. I find this marvelous content very alluring when examined from a literary perspective. With only a minimum of additional ramblings, I present to you the first installment of Spam Poetry (Spoetry)...
Overlook red flags put off letting see. example boss around doesn't While rude hateful cases different need good judgment help. mix'em up haze therefore traits has. Faults lure record sort rarely lasts cannot hurting blinded Its like women stay abuse These beating death. dog tells bf cheating believe. Also wrong. much past locks their actions etc. hormones raging thinking gone six months comes from heart permeates through beyond physical basically true horrific injuries maladies flaws persons being. truly then aesthetic beauty though probably view most beautiful ever.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Wait, what was that? BEEDOGS!?
Yes, Beedogs. The site is a gem. The author understands the overwhelming complexities of the Internet appetite. Every whim must be satisfied; every desire fulfilled. I desire a rich collection of varied types/breeds of dogs in an assortment of humorous bee costumes? THIS SITE DELIVERS.
Also for your consideration:
Friday, November 10, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Today was the heavily anticipated mid-term elections. Yes, your kind author voted. I hold my sticker credible, physical proof. A chilling wave of reality always hits as I receive that "I voted" sticker... My opinion is worth a sticker; the very same reward given to a 1st grader for a job well done. Truly an equitable exchange and the driving force in my turnout.
Perhaps, I am being too harshly cynical here, but Virginia politics leave a great deal to be desired. These desires take the form of viable, honest, and intelligent candidates whose apparent location resides just beyond a pipe made dreams.
***UPDATE: James "Jimmy" Webb has won the race for Virginia Senate. Now he can quit he day job as body double for Rainn Wilson aka Dwight Schrute of NBC's The Office fame...
Saturday, November 04, 2006
I told myself that I wouldn't fill my blog with inane YouTube videos like every other schmuck. I have made myself a liar. This is a patriotic display of why America is great. Any other county would suppress such raw 'talent.' Later tonight, I will go watch Borat to understand more about American greatness.
Friday, November 03, 2006
First, I am left to wonder how such an idea gained enough funding to manufacture the toy products and start the visual abortion (thanks Evan) that is the Speed Stacks commercial advertisement campaign. Here is a possible transcript of the Speed Stacks concept pitch to who could only be described as the world's most intensely moronic venture capitalist:
ss: So, here is my concept... THINK: CUPS.
vc: Hmm. I like cups. I drink from them. Sometimes liquid is hot and I burn tongue.
ss: No, not for drinking, but for STACKING!
vc: LOLz. That's brilliant. Please take my shoes filled with 20s as bonus. Just sign my hat and it's a deal!
*ss pumps fists filled with 20 dollar bills, knocks cups everywhere.
ss: LOL, I hate children.
Be mindful, this is a loose and possibly censored artistic representation of what exactly must have gone on behind closed doors. I admittedly lack the vision to understand such idiocy and the honed writing skill required to describe it.
In what bizarre context could this game have gained popularity? ...
NEXT POST: Competitive Sport Stacking Part II - Fun Cups Edition
Now in reference to said image... WTF. Could someone explain to me in meaningful and prosaic terms what exactly is supposed to be going on here? Is this just some attempt at a cynical, consumerist tie between fashion and fast food? I am not quite sure if the creator was trying to make an insightful, witty social comment or if the creator is just some insane bastard foisting moronic garbage into an already burgeoning market. I see either choice of direction, both high and low roads, as epic failures and con-jobs.
LOL @ Society is choking with overconsumption. You have not achieved greatness. You have acheived in creating something foolish for me and my B.F.F. The Internet to mock and gawk for a moment. You are fail. You are marked for deletion.
Thank you for the floods of interest already shown. Many of you 'Deleters' have written in to ask, "What is the purpose or theme of Marked for Deletion?"
Well... Let me be honest here. There is no purpose, but there is a theme. A central tendency which, although abhorrent, strings my little nuggets together like pearls. I seek to oust the ridiculous failures, the shining beacons of idiocy normal society might otherwise somehow miss. This mockery is to be construed as a bitter form of humor, a palatable delight to fellow cynics as high grade, cocoa-rich chocolate morsels to a fat woman.
MARKED FOR DELETION = BLOG OF THE FUTURE = THERE IS NO FUTURE
(CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL)
I have created this blog/monster as a possible outlet for my thoughts/terror. There will be images, mockery, and disaster. All that being said, there will be nothing of value due to two main reasons:
- All contributions to society are a sham.
- No one has anything of value to say.