Monday, November 13, 2006

Air of (Dis)Illusion

This precious little invention has me torn. I face two distinct roads and only one may be traveled. I, unlike Mr. Frost, will, in all probability, eventually choose the road most traveled and stare with gaping mouth at the bizarrely wonderful misapplication of scientific exploration/technology that is the wearable instrument shirt (WIS). Shortly thereafter, my chosen road bears a rapid descent to a low elevation where I (heaven forbid) proceed to mock everything from the product to the wearer. This milestone being our current location in this post, please allow me to make an ass out of myself.

Dr Richard Helmer, the creator of WIS: "Our air guitar consists of a wearable sensor interface embedded in a conventional 'shirt' which uses custom software to map gestures with audio samples. [...] It’s an easy-to-use, virtual instrument that allows real-time music making – even by players without significant musical or computing skills. [...] The technology – which is adaptable to almost any kind of apparel – takes clothing beyond its traditional role of protection and fashion into the realms of entertainment."

Your normal t-shirt is made of obsolescence and fail. Mine makes musics and win. I have some dark, foreboding sense that, quite literally at any moment, Apple will "borrow" this technology, "think different", and install iTunes on a more monochrome (perhaps red for AIDS/Bono), sleeker version. Microsoft will consecutively borrow the technology, attempt developing a similar Media Player "enhanced" shirt, and as a result produce a puffy winter jacket with holes in the pockets (not to mention the questionable length of the left sleeve). Creative will also produce a music enabled shirt. The shirt will look like a soiled Hanes mens A-cut "wife-beater" and every recipient child will cry all Christmas morning.

I digress. Let me now shift misanthropic focus to the star attraction of this freakish sideshow. There are many individuals who, in all honesty, are guilty of past "air guitar" transgressions. Many of these folks experienced an acute, temporary lack of sensible judgment brought on by alcohol and perhaps too much jukebox Guns n' Roses. Others are habitual offenders and feel their greatness is best conveyed through the art of air guitar. From the Air Guitar World Championships website:
What Air Guitar is all about, is to surrender to the music without having an actual instrument. Anyone can taste rock stardom by playing the Air Guitar. No equipment is needed, and there is no requirement for any specific place or special skills. In Air Guitar playing all people are equal regardless of race, gender, age, social status or sexual orientation.

No requirements??? You/I have the makings of a true air guitar STAR! Bonus points awarded for theoretical "whammy bar" pantomime.

1 comment:

marduk said...

where can i buy one of these Creative brand shirts? do tell.